movin on

how is it so easy for some people?

onto someone new before they even leave the old.

I guess I just don't like to fuck people over.

maybe in a situation like that you're required to be a little selfish.

but what if there is no one else? how do you know when it's time to leave?

if you're not leaving because you met someone new, what do you wait for to know it's not going to work?

the only reasons people usually leave are because they met someone new, or it's not working, or they grew apart.

but if something isn't working, can't you change things and make it work. actually try for a change.

I don't want to be one of those people that gets a divorce within the first year.

that's ridiculous.

what could possibly be so wrong with the person you decided to marry that after one year, you can't do it anymore?

has marriage really come to that? I thought that it was supposed to be serious. you marry your soul mate. the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.

I've put up with the same shit for 8 years. maybe on and off. but I'm pretty sure that before people actually divorce they normally separate and try to make things work eventually. and even when we did separate... we really never did.

I haven't gone more than three weeks in the last 8 years without being with Matt.

I have tried to make things work. I've tried very very hard. and it has worked. we have our problems just like anyone else. sometimes things get pretty bad. but we work through it. we try to anyways.

but what happens if you've tried so hard for so many years... and then you realize that no matter how much effort you put forth, they'll never reciprocate.

I've put almost half of my life into this relationship. we both have.

and I feel like it was a waste.

not because there are any huge problems.

just sometimes people don't seem to understand that a relationship has two sides.

and even if one side is truly trying, it won't work.

you can't hold something like this together on your own.

so how do you let go?

I guess I'm usually the person on the side that doesn't try.. and I'm usually the person that moves on before I even leave.

but I'm not a child anymore.

I am the person that tries. and I haven't moved on. I can't move on.

but maybe it's time to try.