great way to start the day...

so the first thing I normally do in the morning is go pee.

and I really have to go right now.

unfortunately someone clogged the toilet hours ago and then left for work.

without telling me.

we have no plunger, and there is water ALL over the fucking floor.

god dammit!

you couldn't have even thrown a towel down?

you could have gotten that taken care of for the hour you sit here and watch tv.

or maybe even just woke me up and told me so that I would have known and could have taken care of it myself!

I am really starting to hate how inconsiderate people can be.

all the fucking time.

I would love to go get a plunger and then have a usable toilet... but I have to leave for work in less than 30 minutes. had I known about this hours ago when it happened, I could have fixed the problem.

what a great start to my day.

and I'll probably have to end my day fixing this problem. because no one else will... just like all the other problems. time to take action.




EDIT:

I was correct. came home from a long day at work, the problem still had not been fixed.

how convenient that you can just go pee outside.

and you couldn't even pick up the wet towels that I had cleaned the mess up with in a hurry?

but I fixed it. and cleaned up someone else's mess. what a surprise.

stuck

so I created a blog a while back in my need to vent (to myself) and totally forgot about it. as I do with every journal I've ever kept. although I usually lose those. at least this one I can't lose.... actually, that may not be a good thing.

but here we are almost a year later and I wonder if I ever even truly contemplated the thoughts in my prior venting sessions.

probably not.

which is why I'm still in the same exact spot.

stuck.

is it fear that keeps us doing the same old shit that we're so used to doing?

I suppose I'm not as strong as I'd hoped to be.

having grown up the way I did I should feel fortunate to be living the life I'm living. well, really to be living at all...

I guess I thought the easiest way for me to prove I was nothing like my mother was to get into a serious relationship and not just become dependent on any guy that was willing to support me and my kid (thankfully I don't have one of those!). even if he was an abusive pedophile. or an alcoholic. or a drug addict... you name it.

but in a way I ended up doing exactly that, maybe not with someone as terrible. well not terrible at all really. at least I got that part right. but I do depend on having Matt around for support. emotionally, financially...  everything. I'd be lost without him.

I'm really just like her in so many horrible ways.

they say the beginning years of your life play an imperative role in the person you'll become. unfortunately my mom raised me for most of that part. well... let me raise myself. so much for a role model. I suppose you shouldn't really expect to look up to your 16 year old mother.

even when you forgive someone for being soley responsible for fucking up your life, I guess you never forget.

but I suppose I'm an adult. and I make my own choices. maybe it's time to quit blaming my past for a shitty future.